A prank for revision

This is a fake article that I wrote a few years ago about the Seattle Mariners. I wrote it as a prank. It was a prank that I was pulling on my mom, who is really gullible. The story behind it is that she can't stand the former Seattle Mariners player Norm Charlton. I wrote this during the 2008 season, when the Mariners were really sucking. I I wrote the article saying that THEIR FORMER MANAGER, JOHN MCLAREN (appositive), had quit and that NORM CHARLTON, THE BULLPEN COACH AT THE TIME (appositive), had been promoted to the new managerial position. She was not happy when I showed her the story, and she though it was real, SEEING AS I HAD ACTUALLY MADE IT LOOK LIKE A REAL ARTICLE (participle phrase). So, I have revised some sentences in it to make it fit this blog. Just remember that nothing in the following article is actually true. :)

5/10/2008
SEATTLE--Mariners Manager John McLaren made a move much like former skipper Mike Hargrove on Saturday, ANNOUNCING THAT HE IS STEPPING DOWN AS THE MARINERS MANAGER AFTER LESS THAN A SEASON (participle phrase), effective immediately.
"I've just decided that I can't do this anymore," McLaren said at a Saturday morning press conference, hours after the Mariners lost to the Chicago White Sox 4-2. "I'm not getting what I want out of these guys anymore, and I know they aren't doing the best they can for me."
The Mariners have won only one game since May began, and lost fifteen games in April while only winning twelve, and the frustration just kept building for McLaren.
"I'm out there trying to tell them what to do and something just isn't clicking," he said. "I don't know what it is or what can be done to mediate it, but I think the team would be better served without me."
McLaren also said that if the team was giving him 100 percent, then things would be "a lot different."
"It's obvious they aren't trying out there. If they were trying, we would be winning ball games."
Asked if he was going to miss the Mariners organization, McLaren said that he would follow he Mariners, and he would be rooting for them , but he just can't manage them anymore.
"I'm just not getting out of this what I wanted or expect to get out of this. However, I do wish the best for the players and the coaches and the whole organization. I hold nothing against the ball club, but things would just be better off with me out of the picture."
The club and the players, SHOOKEN AND SHOCKED (adjectives out-of-order), said that they didn't see anything like this coming.
"No one could have predicted this," ADRIAN BELTRE, THE MARINERS THIRD BASEMEN (appositive) said. "This sucks. I liked McLaren a lot, and it's not going to be the same without him here. I know that I gave it my all for the team and for him everyday, so I just don't know who or what he's talking about when he says the team isn't giving him 100 percent anymore."
Center fielder Ichiro Suzuki agreed.
"I'm giving my all. I think most of us are giving our all," he said through an interpreter. "I just don't understand where he is coming from. This was totally unexpected, just as it was with Hargrove last season."
When Hargrove stepped down in the middle of the season last season, that is what brought McLaren to the managerial position in the first place.
In a move to appoint a new manager as fast as possible, GENERAL MANAGER BILL BAVASI (appositive) announced that Norm Charlton--THE CURRENT BULLPEN COACH (appositive)--would take over the managerial role for the remainder of the season. Pitching coach Mel Stottlemeyer will work as the bullpen coach, as well as he pitching coach until a bullpen replacement can be found, ACCORDING TO BAVASI (participle phrase).
"Norm's a great guy and did great things when he played in Seattle," Bavasi said. "I think he will be great as the Mariners manager, and it is just unfortunate that we are in this position again this season with the manager. That being said, Norm is the ideal guy to appoint in this situation. I wouldn't have it any other way, other than not being in this situation at all."
Charlton said that he didn't expect any of this to happen and, at the moment, doesn't have a plan for managing the team.
"I am hoping that we can get back on track, and start winning some ball games. I hope that the team will accept me, GRACIOUSLY (adjectives out-of-order), as their new manager and will work really hard to prove to John and the rest of baseball that they can contend and that they can win ball games," he said. "I am just going to take this one day at a time, though, and see what comes out of it."